Laughs
You Know
Your Project's in Trouble When..
Stress Management, Sing a Long,
Boredom Relief
How to Annoy People, Project
Management
Thought for the day....
Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data.
You Know Your
Project's in Trouble When...
You keep finding jobs for project managers highlighted in your
magazine.
Your error log is getting longer as your temper gets shorter.
The light at the end of the tunnel appears to have been turned off!
You forgot the purpose of the project.
Your project progress meetings only take a few minutes as no-one
has anything to report.
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Stress Management
Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing
can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that
place called the world. The serene cascade of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a
soothing serenity. The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head
you're holding under the water. There now, feeling better?
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Sing along
(To the tune Yesterday)
Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.
Contributed by: Reuben
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Boredom Relief
For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from
someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class,
she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers, and switched the inputs for
the keyboards.
She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face. She
called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen.
The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking
red-faced. I started to type, "Leave me alone!" They both jumped back, silenced.
"What the..." the teacher said. I typed, "I said leave me alone!"
The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!" It was all I
could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went
on for an amazing five minutes.
Me: "Don't touch me!"
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."
Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc. Finally, I couldn't contain myself
any longer and fell out of my chair laughing. After they had realized what I had done,
they both turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.
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How to Annoy People
34 Different Ways to Annoy People
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
paper, 99 copies.
2. Sit in your yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if
they slow down
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to
others.
5. Sing along at the opera.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather
conditions "to keep them tuned up.
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU
think.
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant material in scientific papers and "cc." them
to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over
your ears.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the cartridge
across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are
green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a
croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
complimentary mints by the cash register.
20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. don't use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route
whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear
that?", "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture (The Lone Ranger
Theme) by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait,
I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet.
29. In the memo field of all your cheques, write "for sensual
massage."
30.Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
31.Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32.Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble
the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological
profiles.
33. Tell your friends 4 days prior, that you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood!
34. Send this list to everyone in your e-mail address book even if
they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this.
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